Crazy Birds

2012-01-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

It hit me the other day that vampires could drink milk because it is actually a specialized form of blood. It has all of the nutrients needed, and is pretty well accepted today. I also realized that in germanic lore, the nosferatu is more scary because he is undead than the fact that he drinks milk. I am fairly certain that vampires in the Germanic lands didn't even notice a change since they drank so much milk anyway.

The rest of the world is lactose intolerant, so the vampires had to drink something else to feel safe. The only choice they had was blood. Go ahead, think about it for a while, your mind will be blown.

How Keith Had Christmas

2011-12-26T00:32:00.001-08:00

Keith was stuck
His parents out of luck
He couldn’t afford
A ride home
to his family

Oh this Keith was a crafty one
Someone with smarts
Someone who hated being stuck or out of luck
His head was too big
His noggin to full
He thought of himself
A little too high

Here he sat near the beach
Trying to figure it out
What shall he do
Besides sit and pout?

I am on an island
One without snow
One with out weather
unless you count rainbow

I wish I could be home
With my family
My nieces
My sister
My brothers
And parents
My Dog
My Cat
And other type things

Then he came up with an awful idea
A truly terrible awful idea
Ah, what would you call a Keith
One who has been out of luck
One with brains, one with pluck
One who would want to ruin it all
And happily grin
As his friends yelled at him

I shall destroy Christmas traditions
He said
They will all be seen for their folly
All those beliefs about a giant jolly
The man whose belly
Is like a bowl of jelly

Why he is Odin
The old Germanic god
On the hunt for demons
Called Krampus
And loves children
Not at all

Why snow means nothing
All those silent nights
Those Joyous Noels
Those Happy Navidads
Are all lies outright

He was born in a barn
The Christ child was
In a land full of sand
And feuding people
Why, he looked more like
The President of Iran

Then it hit Keith
Something he never thought before
He saw the lights all a glow
But not a hint, not a drop of snow
This was exactly like the first Christmas

Why, it was crowded, and rough
Like a North Shore Tough
It was near the ocean
But away
Like Gunstock Ranch
Or maybe Kaneohe

Why, Joseph and Mary
They were darker
And poor
Just like my friends
Who I get to see more

I get to see Christmas
In a way
That my ancestors never
Saw or understood
In their day

Why, Today is the day
I get to look at the surf
Today is the day
All sunny and warm
Where I can have
Christmas with all my dear
Loves ones

So, that day he went out
Had some Hot Pot stew
The meat cooked up bright
in front of his eyes
And a cat scratched his hand
but that was okay
He had food and friends that day

It wasnt roast beast
It wasnt Seattle
Yakima
Idaho
or even Navajo

It was home
Just the same

So tonight as Keith sings
He begins to sigh
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I live in Hawaii

So then his friends
All sitting back home
See their old Keith
Who is down on his luck
give him the middle ground of
A happy Shaka
And say happy Christmas
You Schmuck!

2011-11-21T19:16:00.001-08:00

I don't know I speak french.

Wait, is it morning or night?

As languages go, I guess I impress people. I speak 4-5 languages knowingly, and a lot of others unknowingly. When I was little, I spoke French, German, Spanish, and English. Then Schools told my parents that I was doing badly in English, so they only spoke English to me.

So one day in my Sophmore year of highschool, someone pointed out I counted in French. I responded that this was Incredible. I always thought I was making french up, and then one day a few years ago, someone corrected me. No, I said it correctly, I just misused the verb. Yep, I was speaking french.

German is even more fun. I only speak it in the morning when I am waking up. It weirds me out too. The scottish accent kicks in when I am tired or really frustrated. There are times when speaking that the accent kicks in on its own.

Imagine the shock of my school counselor when I spoke with a full scot, and no explanation.

2011-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

It's Turtles all the Way down... Until you get to the Ultrazord

Dude, I am not trusting a bunch of turtles to keep the earth up. It needs to be something way cooler than that.

2011-10-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

From distant lands comes the rage scapegoat. He is here to take all your rageful hatred and needs.

2011-09-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

A friend got his facebook account misused by friends. Even though he had everything in German, they redid his status to being in love with a squirrel. My apologies for my terrible German sentence structure. My grandmother will likely hit me with a wooden spoon.

Warning: Potty Humour

2011-09-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

This subject comes up from time to time by women I know. I have tried to explain it in as delicate a matter as I can. Normally we guys have straight shot or Machine Gun set up. If we have to hold it too long it goes lazer. However, there are times when flame thrower or spread shot kick in on their own and makes hitting the target and only that entirely impossible.

Now you know!

2011-09-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

Castro just got better dancer

She's dark Irish

She is going to do the limbo shortly after this

I was riding a plane home from Seattle to Honolulu when they played an advertisement for Jamaica on the TV Screens. It was pretty shocking because they were showing a ton of things I already saw every day when walking to work or school and back. It was also weird that it seemed to promote the same ideas of the land. Beaches, sunsets, and people who happily do everything you want.

I took out the words for those that wanted this picture as a background.

2011-09-19T20:13:00.001-07:00

In memory of Talk Like a Pirate Day, I give you ninjas that sort of remind you of a tarantula. Pay no attention to the boobs. Those are a distraction and are very lethal.

2011-09-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to this website for help with the pictures of the kilts and Lava Lava.

When I moved to Hawaii I found out the state was known as the Rainbow State. The football team was called, "The Rainbow Warriors" until other guys took the idea in another direction. So I was thinking about Ireland which is also known for Rainbows.

Once I got to know the cultures around me I saw all sorts of similarities. Although Scots are known for the kilt, and yes that is a Rob Roy in the picture, the Irish do wear them as well. The common clothes for Polynesians is called a Sarong or Lava Lava, which is a lot like a Kilt. There is also a pot of gold for any weary traveler to Hawaii, only its a cooler full of barbecue meat.

Knowing this, I wondered where exactly Dorothy ended up when she went over this Rainbow.

2011-09-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

The other day I saw a chicken standing in the water while surrounded by swimming fish. This is the closest I could get to that picture. It was actually even better than this.

2011-09-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Computer Nerds are Ninjas. This is why its bad to fall asleep at the computer, they are sitting, waiting for you to make a mistake.

To get the background picture, I found this. I also want everyone to know who the ninja is.

2011-08-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

For the most part, Polynesians are way manlier than Americans, and can prove it too.

2011-08-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

My computer quit on me, so I was forced to use the computers at school. Hawaiian air is really bad for computers.

trial

2010-11-27T17:46:00.001-08:00

I took this picture on my iPod touch. I want to write an article on it.

2009-03-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine showed off some pictures of the basketball team he was coaching. I decided to put them together.

2009-03-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

The Letter G during its drug years.

2009-02-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

From the video hot and cold by Katy Perry, comes your ultimate nightmare. Clown Bridesmaids carrying bats!

2009-02-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

I needed a new facebook picture. Everyone else was updating theirs, and I had to get on the band wagon. So I grabbed my robotic communist cow and set out to get one more awesome picture.

2009-01-15T22:51:00.000-08:00

I had free tickets to Reba, and no one wanted them. Whats wrong with this picture.?

2009-01-11T02:30:00.000-08:00

I had never heard of the word Plumbob. So I did a quick Google Search. I noticed that the second image on the image search was a bit surprising. A friend asked that if the person had been less attractive, would I have noted it. My personal belief is that she doesn't quite understand why I thought it weird.

2008-10-10T16:25:00.000-07:00

While checking out the LolCat website, I realized they were doing everything I do. Except with a much easier to use program. So I am switching. Hopefully this means more comics.

2008-10-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

Klingons have over 350 Languages. For some odd reason, the humans believe all Klingons speak a language and dialect that died off hundreds of years ago. This is why humans never find out about Klingon bakeries and donuts.

2008-05-03T15:23:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed the Alice in Wonderland head trip much more

2008-04-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Little sis says: I suppose if proper grammar was used in this comic, it would be "stole" but since I am nearly as lazy as my brother, I just posted it as such. Twinkies are the main source of life, let us all remember that.

2008-04-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

I am now an aunt, wonderful isn't it? Just so your not confused, I am Alfred's little sister. The baby was born today. Hooray! Note that no one in this comic has hair... well except for the baby.

2008-04-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

This is the author's sister. Alfred was to lazy to make his own so he asked me and my divine skills of artistry, to make one. Of course, this might happen again, if I feel like it, or if he bribes me with cookies.

2008-03-26T06:55:00.001-07:00

Someone asked me to make it warmer. I'm really not the one to ask.

2008-03-26T05:39:00.001-07:00

Truly a learned grasshopper

2008-03-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

So why do they lose?

2008-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

Sorry if I am down a lot.
My sister went in for emergency brain surgery.
Then had complications
I lost my job
and need to find a new form of financial aid
Moved back in with folks
Not fun for the moment
Will be back though
Will be stronger
Will have flying cows

2008-02-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!!

2008-02-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

I don't care what your opinion is, Don't Honk!!!

2008-01-31T15:32:00.000-08:00

If you look at the previous picture of the girl lassoing a flying buffalo, you would notice that the background in this Mario game is very similar.
Why on earth would Mario be going to Yakima to save Peach.
I believe I have an answer for this as well.
Supra Castro 2: La Seuña mala de Raul!

2008-01-04T00:20:00.000-08:00

Brittany Spears is more important then the leader of the Free World.

2007-12-21T20:19:00.001-08:00

Tetris took a lot longer before computers.

2007-12-21T19:52:00.001-08:00

It was next on my to do list.

2007-12-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

I guess our love was never meant to be.

2007-12-21T19:48:00.001-08:00

I really shouldn't have had that burrito.

2007-12-21T19:34:00.001-08:00

Der Casa is German for The Casa

2007-12-21T19:14:00.001-08:00

We got magnet letters. Can you guess which one I did?

2007-12-21T19:09:00.001-08:00

Her Mom and Dad were visiting my house. She demanded all sorts of candy from me. And got it might I add.
Her twos are different then others, and I had to show it off. Hopefully no one will think anything except this, she is a really cute longhorns fan.

2007-12-15T20:26:00.001-08:00

Nancy Germane and Lord Van Spectacle had many a voyage.

2007-11-19T15:44:00.001-08:00

She will point to the bathroom, for the final time!

2007-11-19T15:28:00.001-08:00

Always worry about the singing from the Unic's bathroom. At least you know there not playing handball.

2007-11-19T15:22:00.001-08:00

I am not trendy enough, and the food tastes like crap.

2007-11-19T15:15:00.001-08:00

Englishmen beware. This does not travel through time.

2007-11-14T15:06:00.001-08:00

For Purely Psychological Porpoises.

2007-11-12T13:53:00.001-08:00

Bottoms Up!
Bottoms Up!

This picture took me much of this morning to create. I wish to say that there needs to be a site dedicated to people getting in fights while wearing togas.

2007-11-11T12:21:00.001-08:00

The previous owner of my house had a lot of cats. They want to stay I guess.

2007-11-08T21:11:00.001-08:00

linda_rhodes2007: Hi
BUZZ!!!
Alfred: hello
Alfred: how can I help you?
linda_rhodes2007: Hi, am Linda and you?
linda_rhodes2007: help me?? what?
Alfred: Keith
Alfred: Just a nice way of saying, why are you talking to me.
linda_rhodes2007: ohh sorry, well..i guess you don't know me...i saw your ID on yahoo member directory and i wanted to say hi and see where it goes
Alfred: ok
Alfred: Well, where you from?
linda_rhodes2007: Nigeria
linda_rhodes2007: you?
Alfred: burkina faso
linda_rhodes2007: nice
Alfred: I just barely moved to the states.
linda_rhodes2007: ic
Alfred: So what do you do for a living
linda_rhodes2007: fashion designer you?
Alfred: Car Salesman
linda_rhodes2007: thats nice
linda_rhodes2007: tell me more about yourself
Alfred: I sell fords.
Alfred: They don't work well.
Alfred: But hey, just got here.
linda_rhodes2007: huuh?
Alfred: I intend to get a better job from college.
Alfred: It seems to take most of my money
linda_rhodes2007: Ohh really
Alfred: Well that and rent and food.
Alfred: Lots of stuff to buy.
linda_rhodes2007: ic
Alfred: better then when I lived in Burkina. But still everything here is expensive.
Alfred: Ever been to the states?
linda_rhodes2007: yep
Alfred: when, where?
linda_rhodes2007: NJ
linda_rhodes2007: 6yrs ago
Alfred: I see
Alfred: I remember seeing it from the bus ride to where I live now
Alfred: Loved the mountains.
Alfred: But the rockies are so much bigger.
linda_rhodes2007: i got to go
linda_rhodes2007: bye
Alfred: bye!

2007-11-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

The swim to the north made the Father weak. The young emperor penguin immidiatley took over France.

2007-11-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

Yeah, Rice Crispy Treats are just as high as you are.

2007-11-06T23:24:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update. One of the mystery states was Indiana. Someone has seen this blog from there now. As has Louisiana. So my goal of having a hit from every state in the US is close at hand. It leaves 2 states. Wyoming, and Idaho. Which means that my family really isn't checking out the site. Pretty good for me. There is a dirty martini girl in one of the pictures.

Also, I am going to try ad-sense on this site. Why? Because this site is just an idea, and it seems to be giving me other ideas. So I am going to try to test these ideas. If it turns out that Ad Sense is a bad idea, I will get rid of it. If it works, then I am paid.

Thanks so much to everyone.

2007-11-06T15:24:00.001-08:00

Yeah, just a fun photoshop thing. Just having fun. Feel like I should go watch some movie by David Lynch.

2007-11-06T14:20:00.001-08:00

I blurred out the face to let David still seem Butlery. Instead we have a phantom butler in a pimp hat inside of a rubber room. Nice addition really.

Insert The Shining joke here.

2007-11-06T13:50:00.000-08:00

"When will you be battling the Joker, Sir?"

I want to give a very special link to the actual butler in this picture. David gives a fairly brief but good history on Buttling and seems quite ready to be one. I have nothing but respect for them. I stole his picture, but hopefully he gets work from this.

2007-11-05T14:28:00.001-08:00

Fry's is a special land. A land where a man can find a very manly Toaster. It will play MP3s. And all will rejoice.

2007-11-05T14:15:00.001-08:00

Truly William Wallace was a lover of Pastries.

2007-11-05T14:08:00.001-08:00

Burning Sensation with the Poptart? There is a huge inside joke here.

2007-11-05T09:34:00.001-08:00

Specially dedicated to my friend Antoine, who happens to look like this. To the point that his manliness is constantly being questioned.

2007-11-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

Keep in mind, his head is in the Dakotas.

2007-11-05T09:05:00.000-08:00

Budhahood can only be reached through Super Saiyan.

2007-11-05T09:02:00.001-08:00

I fear for the safety of the world if it begins clapping.

2007-11-03T20:58:00.001-07:00

Can you spot the Black Welsh Mountain Ninja? It spots you.

I should give the link to the Ninja Resteraunt. It's where I got the Ninja pic.

2007-11-03T20:38:00.001-07:00

The female Orca is much bigger then the male.

2007-11-03T19:45:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Bikini Island.

2007-11-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I can't tell which one is the Alpha Wolf, So I just took a guess.

Edit: Apparently it is the Top Right Wolf.

2007-11-03T18:55:00.001-07:00

My release will be down the crapper.

2007-11-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

She can see Ellensburg and Yakima from up here.

My moderation program shows I have 5 fans in Selah Washington. This is 1 mile from Yakima where I live. Hi!!

2007-11-03T17:02:00.001-07:00

It all depends on what you think of the Nicean Creed.

As just a note, there was an episode of Power Rangers in Japan were they chased down the garden of Eden. At one point a villain yells, "Save me Jesus!" I laughed my head off.

2007-11-03T16:49:00.001-07:00

She failed at, so she ended up Battling Elizabeth to the death. It was really hot.

2007-11-03T16:39:00.001-07:00

The Witch Fire is watching.

2007-11-03T15:42:00.001-07:00

I can only do a backflip if I am falling. Not a good idea at 60MPh on the water.

2007-11-03T13:18:00.001-07:00

He seems so gentlemanly with the Top Hat.

2007-11-03T12:48:00.001-07:00

Aye, they be stealthy.

2007-11-03T12:29:00.001-07:00

This will be an interesting case.

2007-10-31T19:54:00.000-07:00

I can't snap. But I can fake it. I have reached Budhahood because of this.

2007-10-31T19:23:00.001-07:00

Seriously, burn, then rub it in the smelliest parts, only to tear it into pieces.

2007-10-31T18:33:00.001-07:00

This is how they act after 12 AM. Great time to egg the house though.

2007-10-31T17:51:00.001-07:00

This is what I dreamed about after seeing the movie The Ring.

2007-10-31T17:24:00.001-07:00

She chases me in my nightmares. Yeah, your not scared of her. You don't know what she can do.

2007-10-31T16:13:00.001-07:00

Yes, Stephanie Tanner and Wensday Adams were my Teenage Crushes. Just look at how much they have in common. Long hair, Strange Uncles who like lighting up the night life, er nothing.

So, finding a wife for me is going to be a really weird experience. A perky Goth if you will.

2007-10-31T15:41:00.001-07:00

It's time for Halloween Mr. Snuffles. What shall we dress as? Perhaps maybe a Rainbow, or a Happy Elf? Yes, a Happy Elf.

2007-10-30T15:35:00.001-07:00

During a discussing with a friend, I asked what he thought of politics.
"It's like football. Really intense at every game. And most of the fans will note every mistake for the other side, but not for there own."
I always compared it to Hockey. But football works.

2007-10-30T14:53:00.001-07:00

That is one, very Stylish Ninja. Who did he have to kill to get that suit?

2007-10-30T14:37:00.001-07:00

Hey, I dream about them too!

2007-10-30T14:36:00.001-07:00

2007-10-29T21:41:00.001-07:00

Chloe needed some help

Jack Bauer.... Kirk's Ancestor?

2007-10-29T16:20:00.001-07:00

I must find a way to make everyone spell my name correctly!!!

2007-10-29T15:10:00.001-07:00

Then she has to battle some Tibetan monks with Light Sabers!!

2007-10-29T14:24:00.001-07:00

No need to fear, Super Nun of the 24th Century is here!

2007-10-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

The author, holding a samurai sword, next to his Russian Flag. He got it in Arizona. It was a gift, from a person who didn't even know where Russia was.
Note the Awesomeness of the Fedora.

2007-10-26T13:12:00.001-07:00

The first sign of problems....

2007-10-26T13:03:00.001-07:00

Gasp! Brando was a Furry!!

2007-10-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was looking at the hit count on this site. Seeing as almost all of them are from Dave Barry's Blog, I say Thanks Dave! I also noted that there seems to be a lack in 6 states. I have gotten at least one hit from every single state except Lousiana, Idaho, Wyoming, 2 States next to Illinois, and Rhode Island (I think). I am not certain on some of them, because I don't know the Eastern States very well.
Anyway, as a game, I think it would be fun to try to complete the board. So if you know someone from one of the outlined states, then make sure to ask them to see this site. I will try to make it more specific as soon as I can.
Thanks
Alfred

2007-10-25T15:31:00.000-07:00

Rly!

2007-10-25T15:28:00.001-07:00

Let the Great Debate begin!!

2007-10-25T09:32:00.001-07:00

Some people have been annoyed by Katie Couric's comments during the fires in So Cal. The truth be told, she has done some good Journalism over the years. One of the really difficult things about being a TV reporter is that, you have all the information you need, but not a clue what it means. Sometimes, this problem gets noticed.

2007-10-24T22:12:00.002-07:00

It might surprise you to know, this guy is just as crazy in real life. I still believe that Zombies need eye checkups.