How Keith Had Christmas

Keith was stuck
His parents out of luck
He couldn’t afford
A ride home
to his family

Oh this Keith was a crafty one
Someone with smarts
Someone who hated being stuck or out of luck
His head was too big
His noggin to full
He thought of himself
A little too high

Here he sat near the beach
Trying to figure it out
What shall he do
Besides sit and pout?

I am on an island
One without snow
One with out weather
unless you count rainbow

I wish I could be home
With my family
My nieces
My sister
My brothers
And parents
My Dog
My Cat
And other type things

Then he came up with an awful idea
A truly terrible awful idea
Ah, what would you call a Keith
One who has been out of luck
One with brains, one with pluck
One who would want to ruin it all
And happily grin
As his friends yelled at him

I shall destroy Christmas traditions
He said
They will all be seen for their folly
All those beliefs about a giant jolly
The man whose belly
Is like a bowl of jelly

Why he is Odin
The old Germanic god
On the hunt for demons
Called Krampus
And loves children
Not at all

Why snow means nothing
All those silent nights
Those Joyous Noels
Those Happy Navidads
Are all lies outright

He was born in a barn
The Christ child was
In a land full of sand
And feuding people
Why, he looked more like
The President of Iran

Then it hit Keith
Something he never thought before
He saw the lights all a glow
But not a hint, not a drop of snow
This was exactly like the first Christmas

Why, it was crowded, and rough
Like a North Shore Tough
It was near the ocean
But away
Like Gunstock Ranch
Or maybe Kaneohe

Why, Joseph and Mary
They were darker
And poor
Just like my friends
Who I get to see more

I get to see Christmas
In a way
That my ancestors never
Saw or understood
In their day

Why, Today is the day
I get to look at the surf
Today is the day
All sunny and warm
Where I can have
Christmas with all my dear
Loves ones

So, that day he went out
Had some Hot Pot stew
The meat cooked up bright
in front of his eyes
And a cat scratched his hand
but that was okay
He had food and friends that day

It wasnt roast beast
It wasnt Seattle
Yakima
Idaho
or even Navajo

It was home
Just the same

So tonight as Keith sings
He begins to sigh
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I live in Hawaii

So then his friends
All sitting back home
See their old Keith
Who is down on his luck
give him the middle ground of
A happy Shaka
And say happy Christmas
You Schmuck!

I don't know I speak french.

Wait, is it morning or night?

As languages go, I guess I impress people. I speak 4-5 languages knowingly, and a lot of others unknowingly. When I was little, I spoke French, German, Spanish, and English. Then Schools told my parents that I was doing badly in English, so they only spoke English to me.

So one day in my Sophmore year of highschool, someone pointed out I counted in French. I responded that this was Incredible. I always thought I was making french up, and then one day a few years ago, someone corrected me. No, I said it correctly, I just misused the verb. Yep, I was speaking french.

German is even more fun. I only speak it in the morning when I am waking up. It weirds me out too. The scottish accent kicks in when I am tired or really frustrated. There are times when speaking that the accent kicks in on its own.

Imagine the shock of my school counselor when I spoke with a full scot, and no explanation.

It's Turtles all the Way down... Until you get to the Ultrazord

Dude, I am not trusting a bunch of turtles to keep the earth up. It needs to be something way cooler than that.

From distant lands comes the rage scapegoat. He is here to take all your rageful hatred and needs. 

A friend got his facebook account misused by friends. Even though he had everything in German, they redid his status to being in love with a squirrel. My apologies for my terrible German sentence structure. My grandmother will likely hit me with a wooden spoon.

Warning: Potty Humour

     This subject comes up from time to time by women I know. I have tried to explain it in as delicate a matter as I can. Normally we guys have straight shot or Machine Gun set up. If we have to hold it too long it goes lazer. However, there are times when flame thrower or spread shot kick in on their own and makes hitting the target and only that entirely impossible.

Now you know!

Castro just got better dancer

She's dark Irish

She is going to do the limbo shortly after this

       I was riding a plane home from Seattle to Honolulu when they played an advertisement for Jamaica on the TV Screens. It was pretty shocking because they were showing a ton of things I already saw every day when walking to work or school and back. It was also weird that it seemed to promote the same ideas of the land. Beaches, sunsets, and people who happily do everything you want.

I took out the words for those that wanted this picture as a background.