Monday, December 26, 2011

How Keith Had Christmas

Keith was stuck
His parents out of luck
He couldn’t afford
A ride home
to his family

Oh this Keith was a crafty one
Someone with smarts
Someone who hated being stuck or out of luck
His head was too big
His noggin to full
He thought of himself
A little too high

Here he sat near the beach
Trying to figure it out
What shall he do
Besides sit and pout?

I am on an island
One without snow
One with out weather
unless you count rainbow

I wish I could be home
With my family
My nieces
My sister
My brothers
And parents
My Dog
My Cat
And other type things

Then he came up with an awful idea
A truly terrible awful idea
Ah, what would you call a Keith
One who has been out of luck
One with brains, one with pluck
One who would want to ruin it all
And happily grin
As his friends yelled at him

I shall destroy Christmas traditions
He said
They will all be seen for their folly
All those beliefs about a giant jolly
The man whose belly
Is like a bowl of jelly

Why he is Odin
The old Germanic god
On the hunt for demons
Called Krampus
And loves children
Not at all

Why snow means nothing
All those silent nights
Those Joyous Noels
Those Happy Navidads
Are all lies outright

He was born in a barn
The Christ child was
In a land full of sand
And feuding people
Why, he looked more like
The President of Iran

Then it hit Keith
Something he never thought before
He saw the lights all a glow
But not a hint, not a drop of snow
This was exactly like the first Christmas

Why, it was crowded, and rough
Like a North Shore Tough
It was near the ocean
But away
Like Gunstock Ranch
Or maybe Kaneohe

Why, Joseph and Mary
They were darker
And poor
Just like my friends
Who I get to see more

I get to see Christmas
In a way
That my ancestors never
Saw or understood
In their day

Why, Today is the day
I get to look at the surf
Today is the day
All sunny and warm
Where I can have
Christmas with all my dear
Loves ones

So, that day he went out
Had some Hot Pot stew
The meat cooked up bright
in front of his eyes
And a cat scratched his hand
but that was okay
He had food and friends that day

It wasnt roast beast
It wasnt Seattle
or even Navajo

It was home
Just the same

So tonight as Keith sings
He begins to sigh
I live in Hawaii

So then his friends
All sitting back home
See their old Keith
Who is down on his luck
give him the middle ground of
A happy Shaka
And say happy Christmas
You Schmuck!