Sunday, August 12, 2012

Rats are folks

Henry runs past the door and into the closet. A giant rat is sitting there, lazily eating someone’s lunch. It looks up with indifference and nods to Henry. Miik jumps in and sees the rat.
“Ah, Schnookies, That's my lunch!” yells Miik.
“Yes ][ Wait, I just realized something. You named the rat Schnookies.” Henry
“So, when you saw all of those shredded papers over the floor, you were yelling at the rat?”
“And when the printer stopped working because the wiring had gone missing?”
“I was really worried about him that time. Poor thing might have electrocuted itself.”
“Yes, I can understand that. How long have you known about ‘schnookies’?”
“A few weeks into the job I guess. I was cleaning up a mess and spotted him. He even helped in the clean up.”
“He knew where the cleaners were.”
“I see, so not only is there a giant pet rat in the office, but it seems to be doing the job of a paid employee.”
“Well, no, maybe 30 percent of my job. It has been helping out for a while now. Millicent over in receiving-”
“More people in the office know about the rat?”
“Well yeah, most of us do.”
“Who doesn’t?”
“Well, you I guess.”
“We figured you caught on. I mean, have you noticed how many times we yelled her name?”
“No, Schnookies.”
“So, she has been causing damage?”
“No, she has been helping out with the clean up.”
“And, what else?”
“Delivery chores and the like, nothing too strenuous. The worst job is the interns, they have to clean up her bed.”
“The interns clean... She has a bed?”
“Yeah, over at Ed’s desk, just check next to it is a crib.”
“What about his children? I thought he brought his children here?”
“Why would his wife let him do that with a giant rat running around?”
“So she knows?”
“She prepares his meals on Tuesdays?”
“Tuesdays.. and the other days of the week?”
“Well it depends on the day. Usually we do a sign up for Fridays or a weekend, but Frankie does Mondays, and lets see Jeff brings spare burgers for Schnookies on Wednesday. Then I guess its your wife who brings in the custard and other stuff on Thursday.”
“My wife knows?”
“Well yes, she even gives him a bath. Those nights she tucks her into bed at night and sings those lullabies.”
“So, my divorce, with my wife, wasn’t because she was sleeping with another man?”
“Well, yes, after you kept screaming about the rat all that time... you mean you have been saying her name thinking it was a swear or something?”
“Yes, thats exactly what I thought.”
“Oh, that explains a lot. See, she was so turned off by the way you would scream about the rat that she practically got pushed into Jared’s arms.”
“So, my entire life has been destroyed because I didn’t know the office kept a giant wild rat as a pet?”
“yes, I suppose so sir.”
“Then, I guess its ok.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s my lunch the rat is eating. Oh Schnookies I hope you enjoy it.”

No comments: